Thursday, June 11, 2009

Boy Number 4

Mister Looks-Good-on-Paper, because everything about him seems so perfect when you write it down: human resources manager who left a successful job in Nashville to go to school to became a teacher because he felt called to work with children; youth-group leader; avid reader; church camp co-chair. All I heard before we met was what a good christian man he is. He had suffered from Crohn's Disease, and had to have a colostomy (the bag), but in doctor-approved "full health" when we met. He was polite and athletic, if not having the best fashion sense, and a huge sports fan. I had moved back home about a month before we met, and had begun going to church with my oldest sister. When we started dating, I got emails from other ladies church saying how envious they were (he was 30 when I was 20, and many of the women thought it was unfair for to steal a man "their age" away. I should have run then). I think I liked more because of what everyone else told me than what in him myself, and I was still pretty fragile after Boy 2 shook me to my core.

But what looks good on paper isn't always good in real life. He was stringent in his beliefs - no "passionate" behaviors until marriage, and berated me when I told him about my (sometimes wild) past. He was the most verbally abusive person I have ever encountered, and we went through things that still give me nightmares. I don't think that how God wants us to submit to our husbands. His family hated me, literally. It was a relationship mess. I dumped him early one morning, in an email after about seven months (don't hate. I know its awful). I had to change churches because of the rumor-spreading aftermath.

My advice is this: TRUST YOURSELF when it comes to relationships, because not everyone sees a person at their truest level.

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